i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
