I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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