Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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