every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
