Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
