The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
