my vag is so smooth its legendary
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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