now i know why i became what i already was.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
