Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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