I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
