Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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