I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
