all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
