You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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