your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
