well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
