not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
