did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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