Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
