Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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