My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
