I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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