Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
