I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
