Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
