Jerry, you need to find god
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
whose parrot is this?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
