I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
