for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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