the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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