well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
