real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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