guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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