it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
