Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
