i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
