My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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