hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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