you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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