M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
