I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
