The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
40s are totally the cure
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
