You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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