my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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