Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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