I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
