There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
