the condom got lost in my hair
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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