How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
