you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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