theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is wine microwaveable?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
