wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
