Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
