I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I will pee on everything he values.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
